I fear being flamed.

[estirise]

So, I'm just going to post my thoughts on a particular Hana Yori Dango fanfic here. Maybe I'll get up the courage to post the review to the Pit. (With some useful constructive criticism, of course.)

I'll post the link to the story up in a few hours.


1. Akira's name is Mimasaka. Not Mimisaki. You can't just declare it to be Mimisaki.
2. The random Japanese is not useful. I don't mind honorifics, but peppering your dialogue with "ne", "hontou" "Ouji-san" instead of things like "really" and "Grandfather". A little Japanese flavor is fine, but random Japanese is not.
3. There would be no way in heck that Kaede wouldn't know that Tsukushi came from a rich family. It would have been mentioned somewhere.
4. Spellcheck, proofread.
5. Develop your OCs. I don't care about them right now.

(Oh, and I bet the arranged marriage is between Akira and Tsukushi.)

The story, incidentally, is here.

Comments

[nihongofrancais.livejournal.com]

I'm interested in your reasoning for #2. How do you mean "random"?

[nihongofrancais.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's a problem with using pronouns (such as Okaa-san) if you spell them right, which this person seems to not be able too. Aside from the pronouns, the use of Japanese does seem random I agree. However, as a person who does use Japanese in her fanfic, I have to say that sometimes English is not effective in conveying cultural nuances in Japanese. Then again, I'm quite comfortable in Japanese, so stuff like that doesn't bother me as much as someone who doesn't speak it as well.