I fear being flamed.

[estirise]

So, I'm just going to post my thoughts on a particular Hana Yori Dango fanfic here. Maybe I'll get up the courage to post the review to the Pit. (With some useful constructive criticism, of course.)

I'll post the link to the story up in a few hours.


1. Akira's name is Mimasaka. Not Mimisaki. You can't just declare it to be Mimisaki.
2. The random Japanese is not useful. I don't mind honorifics, but peppering your dialogue with "ne", "hontou" "Ouji-san" instead of things like "really" and "Grandfather". A little Japanese flavor is fine, but random Japanese is not.
3. There would be no way in heck that Kaede wouldn't know that Tsukushi came from a rich family. It would have been mentioned somewhere.
4. Spellcheck, proofread.
5. Develop your OCs. I don't care about them right now.

(Oh, and I bet the arranged marriage is between Akira and Tsukushi.)

The story, incidentally, is here.

Comments

[estirose.livejournal.com]

(Note: General, not specific, you)

I have no problem seeing Japanese (or any other language) used if it fits the story. The problem I'm having with this author, I think, is that the Japanese seems random and fangirlish; someone more familiar with the language would have some idea of how to use it to enrich the story, instead of throwing the reader out of it.

In other words, it's how you use it. Using it because the English doesn't convey things well is fine, but you have to not make it seem just inserted in there for the sake of having it inserted in there, which is what this person seems to be doing. If it kills the flow, you're doing it wrong.

(This is, incidentally, what I mean by random Japanese. Random Japanese is sticking Japanese words in because you want to show off your knowledge of Japanese, not because they fit the story.)

[estirose.livejournal.com]

As a sidenote: perhaps I should be saying "gratuitous Japanese"?